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Being Called Out for Our Mistakes Makes Us Better

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But Getting Better Requires Change

Some people like calling others out for their mistakes. Others, not so much. There are different reasons people do this. Some are good and can be helpful. Some are more for the person doing the calling out, rather than to help the person being called out.

These differences have to do with our different personalities.

There are several different personality tests, but my favorite is the DISC assessment. This is a simple self-assessment tool that categorizes individuals into four personality traits: dominance, influence, stability, and compliance.

Knowing these differences between ourselves and others can be helpful when working with people.

This difference became apparent to me years ago when I asked my wife for her input about something I wrote. Of course, I thought it was perfect. She on the other hand made some corrections and changes.

This crushed me…how could she be so mean?

This was about the time I took the DISC assessment. It was very enlightening. I found out that she was among the 10% of the people who are dominant. This does not mean that she was mean or that she was trying to hurt my feelings. It just meant that she was honest and direct.

I, on the other hand, was among the 25% who are compliant. I’m resistant to change and can be rigid.

Getting better requires change.

Then you have people who are stable. This is the largest group at 40%. These people are loyal followers and slow to act. And then there’s the final 25% who are the influencers. These people are artistic and are continually coming up with new and different ideas and are easily distracted.

Pastor Lisa’s message on Sunday was about the prophet Elijah calling out Ahab, the king of Israel, for his worshiping of Baal and not God. Elijah must have been in the 10% of the dominant, take-charge people. With 90% of the people being in the other three personalities, they were following whatever the king told them.

In 1 Kings 18:16-39, Elijah calls out Ahab and tells the king that he is leading the people in the wrong direction. Elijah shows the people God’s power and Baal’s lack of power with a demonstration involving altars.

The pagan priests go through an elaborate process with their offering to no avail. Then Elijah prepares an offering, soaks it in water, and then calls to show the people that God is Lord.

 Immediately, the fire of the Lord flashed down from heaven and burned up the young bull, the wood, the stones, and the dust. It even licked up all the water in the trench!

And when all the people saw it, they fell face down on the ground and cried out, “The Lord—he is God! Yes, the Lord is God!”

Too often we’re led astray by just following the crowd and not being aware. Then, because we are followers, we lead other people astray because they are followers too.

Don’t be a blind follower or blind leader. We need to recognize our mistakes and change our direction.

Life Happens…The Question Is, What Are You Going to Do When It Does?

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I Think Flexible Rigidity Is the Best Plan

I am an organizer and planner by nature. I like having a clear direction. A system in place to expedite those wonderfully crafted plans. Knowing what I’m going to do today.

But then…’life happens’.

You know what I mean. You’re going along, following those well-organized plans and then out of nowhere…something comes along and messes the whole thing up.

Just because I’m a planner doesn’t mean that I can’t be flexible, because I can. Sometimes maybe too much. It has always been pretty easy for me to make adjustments when something unexpected happens.

The problem with this is, getting derailed by distractions makes it hard to stay on task. Then of course that plan, that wonderfully crafted plan, is all messed up. For years I have worked to be better at balancing the plan and flexibility.

You may be on the other side and have the gift of doing. The ability to make a decision and move on it. You find it frustrating when the unexpected happens and you struggle to deal with it.

Knowing what character, personality and gifts you have is critical to being prepared in your own way to handle the unexpected.

I first wrote about this topic of being flexibly rigid back in 2016. It’s interesting that the instigation for that post was a brake line leaking on my truck. Now I’m writing about this again today, six years later.

Today’s situation involves brake lines and a whole lot more.

As I was turning into the church this past Sunday morning, I was rear ended. The accident knocked the rear axle out of the truck as well as causing some damage to the truck bed.

First and foremost, I’m grateful that neither I or the other driver were hurt…the vehicles didn’t fare so well.

Looking at the blessings is a great way to put things into perspective.

I’ve had this truck for twenty-two years and have put 523,000 miles on it, toward my goal of a million miles. People who know me, know that I like my truck…but ultimately, it’s just a truck.

Now, let’s look at how flexible rigidity works.

I need to start with considering my options –

  • Is the truck repairable?
  • If so, what’s it going to take to repair it?
  • If so, is repairing it worth the cost?
  • Is the insurance going to total the truck?
  • How much is insurance going to pay?

After I get the answers to these questions and others. I will weigh the options, ask God for His thoughts and make a decision.

He is the Master Planner and it is important for our plans to align with His.

We need to determine what our priorities are before the scheduling fiascos happen. Figure out who we are and what we want, so we are ready when the unexpected happens.

This doesn’t mean that everything will go perfectly, but as we search for clarity and work through each schedule disruption…

We will get a little closer to being who we were designed to be.

Being flexibly rigid is the balance of staying on task while handling things when life happens.

Why My Blood Pressure Goes Up When I Receive Texts

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Okay…Maybe It Doesn’t Really…But It Sure Feels Like It

My sense of dread when my phone vibrates with a text makes me apprehensive. This is at a lower level when getting phone calls, but still happens. Why? What about someone contacting me makes me feel anxious?

Some examples –

            Got a text just last night from my wife – Pictures of the chicken pen missing a side and of a chicken on the loose. (Yes, this is the same chicken pen I wrote about last week) This was not good. After some follow up, I found out that the dog had tore it up. One chicken was missing, one was out. I needed to go home and fix this so that the remaining ones had a place to roost. Had to stop what I was doing and deal with it.

            Got a text from a tenant late one evening – Water heater was spraying everywhere; carpet and clothes were soaked. Needed to get the water shut off and stop the leak. It was a 30-minute drive to the property. It was too late to get it fixed then. It was late and I had just got home from a long day. Had to figure out a plan.

            Got a text from a customer wanting to make changes – This was to work that had already been done as per agreement. This is going to upset the subcontractor because they were going to have to redo their work. This was going to cost them, me or both of us, time and money.

What’s causing this apprehension? …communication is a good thing…right.

I’ve been aware of this feeling for a while and thinking about it a lot recently, trying to figure out why. I’ve come to some conclusions that connect with who I am and my personality.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about going through the Enneagram in Business Made Simple. I haven’t finished it yet, but have determined my Enneagram type and my wings (the personality type on either side of my dominant type).

This has helped better understand why my blood pressure goes up when texts come in.

In the previous post I referred to the personality type that I thought I was…it’s conclusive…in the Enneagram, I’m a Perfectionist. For those of you that know me, this is a big surprise, right. 😊 Wings of the Perfectionist are the Peacemaker and Helper.

Traits of a Perfectionist –

  • Fair
  • Reliable
  • Feels obligated to fix errors
  • High integrity
  • Feels counted on
  • Feels responsible
  • High self-expectations
  • Wants everything to be orderly
  • Has a plan and needs to stick to it

Traits of a Peacemaker –

  • Want to avoid conflict
  • Put other’s priorities above their own
  • Like routines
  • Say yes too much

Traits of a Helper –

  • Caring
  • Supportive
  • Need to be needed
  • Focused on meeting other’s needs
  • Want to do it myself

Looking through the characteristics of these three personality types I’m beginning to see why I don’t like getting texts.

It’s going to mess up my plans.

More often than not, texts and calls are cries for help. Most people sending them know that I will do everything I can to help. This is my job after all. What they don’t usually know, is that I will provide this help even if it destroys my schedule.

So, now that I’m aware of this, it’s up to me to deal with it.

This means…

Changing my perspective from a negative, being bothered, messing up my plans attitude to a this is who I am and what I do. I find solutions! These texts and calls are opportunities.

Learn to say no. This is a combination of no’s before getting overwhelmed balanced with giving myself more value compared to others wanting their way.

This newfound awareness will allow me to intentionally change my perspective to see these texts in a positive light.

And who knows…it might lower my blood pressure.

(Stay tuned for the chicken pen update)

Every One of Us Is Different…Not Better

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What Makes Us Better Is Dealing with Those Differences in The Right Way

 

 

We’ve all been in situations where our feelings have been hurt or we hurt someone else’s. Most of the time this is unintentional, not always, but most of the time.


I’ve told the story many times about how my feelings used to be hurt when my wife would give me a short and direct answer on a question. These “crushing blows to my psyche were perplexing to me. I was sure that she loved me, why would she be so uncaring with her answers?

 

Then we did a DISC personality profile test while leading a Financial Peace University class at our church. The understanding of these different personalities was huge. It changed everything for me.


I realized that she answered me directly without wasting any time or energy on unnecessary frivolities. While on the other hand I was unrealistically expecting a detailed, analytical, well thought out and caring answer. Once I understood our differences it made all the difference in the world.


It’s important to know who we are and who other people are.


Some years ago, The Archbishop of Canterbury was rushing to catch a train in London. In his haste, he accidentally jumped on the wrong passenger car and found himself on a car full of inmates from a mental hospital. They were all dressed in mental hospital clothing.

Just as the train pulled out of the station, an orderly came in and began to count the inmates, “1-2-3-4…” when suddenly he saw this distinguished looking gentleman there wearing a business suit and a clerical collar and he said:

“Who are you?” The answer came back: “I am the Archbishop of Canterbury!” And the orderly said: “5-6-7-8.”


Another good example of this in Luke 10:38-42, where Martha is working hard to make everything perfect for Jesus’ visit while Mary is sitting in the other room listening to Him. Jesus tells Martha to relax and make sure her focus is on the ‘one important thing’.


Martha was resentful, narrow and unkind with her complaint of her sister. She was caught up in her own inner desires and thoughts. She wasn’t giving any consideration to her sister’s differences.


Since taking the DISC personality profile I have taken a few different kinds of personality tests. Even though there are a variety of differences in these tests, one thing is true and consistent through all of them.


We are all different…not better…just different.


It pays huge dividends to know and recognize and embrace these differences. I heard it said once by a married couple, “If we were both the same, one of us wouldn’t be needed.”

 


We are all made in God’s image. This means that all our differences are representative of Him. Let’s see our differences as individual puzzle pieces and find out where we fit into His big puzzle.