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Building A Dream Life

Good Communication Is Not A One-Way Street

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Remember That I Have Two Ears and One Mouth

 

In January last year I wrote about my core values and how I use them as a life filter. In that post I told you that I would go into each one in more detail. In this week’s solution we will dig into another one. It is to Remember that I have two ears and one mouth.

This core value points out that good communication is twice as much about listening. This makes perfect sense why God gave us two ears and one mouth. I have accepted the fact that I like to talk and do quite a lot of it. I believe that over communication is better than poor communication.

This core value reminds me of the importance of listening.

Within the last week I had two different people compliment me on my ability to communicate. One was directed at speaking and the other to writing. This was nice because I haven’t considered this to be something that I was particularly skilled at. The fact that this was communicated to me, was encouraging and inspiring.


Poor communication or the complete lack of it is one of the biggest issues in business and in life. How can I expect to help people build their dreams if we don’t communicate? Too often assumptions are made, and they lead to disasters.

If I don’t know what you want to achieve, and I don’t accurately tell you what to expect, somebody is going to be disappointed.

It is understandable why communication gets ignored. We’re busy. Communication takes time and we don’t have any extra. Whether it is listening, talking or writing…it takes time. You’ve probably heard the proverb ‘haste makes waste’. This is more evident now than ever. We are an instantaneous people. We want everything now. Aesop’s Fable about The Tortoise and the Hare points out how intentional focus on the goal and a steady movement toward it will win the race.


The constant connection to our electronic devices also contributes to our losing the ability to communicate well. There is nothing wrong with electronic devices. They allow us to connect with more people than ever before. It’s just that it can be hard to convey emotion electronically. We need to be careful to strive for and maintain a balance.

This is the ninth core value that I have written about in more detail. You can read the others here:

 

Honor God in all that I do

Intentional action

Take off the blinders, be more observant

Pay attention to detail

Spend time wisely, there is a limited amount

Never be satisfied with mediocrity

Find and maintain the balance in everything

Move the mountain one shovel full at a time

That only leaves three more to examine more thoroughly. I will communicate about them in more detail in the future so keep following these Weekly Solutions and if you know of anyone that you think would enjoy or benefit from these solutions be sure to share this link with them.

 

Move the Mountain One Shovel Full at A Time

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The Size of Your Shovel Is Not Important

I had a conversation with Brett at Engineered Door Products earlier this week about how busy he was. He told me how he was working late into the evening and coming in early of a morning in an effort to keep up. I could feel his frustration. I have had this same conversation with too many people, too many times and deal with this myself almost every day. It reminded me of an earlier blog about spinning too many plates at once.

There are so many great things to do. How will we ever get them done? Why do we continually find ourselves in this place? Who’s fault is it that we’re so busy? 

WE ONLY HAVE OURSELVES TO BLAME!

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about why I’m always so far behind and what I can do to get caught up? Looking at this huge mountain in front of me is overwhelming. How will I ever get it moved?

Looking at a blueprint for a new building can be one of those mountains. There is tons of information on all of those pages. Where do I even start? With the first next thing, that’s where. Determine the first next thing that needs to be done and do it. If I don’t stop looking and start shoveling the foundation will never get poured.

 

It doesn’t matter whether you have a teaspoon or a steam shovel. What matters is that you start shoveling and don’t quit. Failure only exists for the person who quits.

 

 

Another way to move the mountain is with help. Two shovels can move more mountain than one. Sharing the moving of the mountain can be hard for us micro-managers but is critical to accomplishing the task. If the mountain that needs moved is much bigger than a mole hill or unless you have a really really big shovel, some help moving the mountain will relieve some of the weight of that mountain.

Moving the mountain one shovel full at a time is one of my twelve core values. My core values are the root of who I’m meant to be. The list falls into two different categories. Some I’m naturally good at. These I want to constantly reinforce. The others…don’t come so naturally.

This post is to remind myself to keep shoveling my mountains and to let you know that you aren’t the only one standing in the shadow of a mountain that needs shoveled.

KEEP SHOVELING

Here are some links to previous core value posts. We’re getting closer now, only four left.

How to Live A Well-Balanced Life

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Finding and Maintaining the Balance in Everything

 

I initially wrote about Using Core Values as My Life Filter last year. The focus of that post was the importance these CORE VALUES have in providing me with insight to who I am and more importantly, who I aspire to be. In that post I listed these twelve core values and said I would write about each in later posts.


Currently have written about:

• Honoring God in all that I do
• Paying attention to detail
• Spending time wisely
• Never being satisfied with mediocrity
• Taking off the blinders and being more aware
• Intentional action and again

Today’s core value is FINDING AND MAINTAINING THE BALANCE IN EVERYTHING.

I listened to a Story Brand podcast recently in which Tim Arnold’s point was that tension was a better description of this value than balance. He points out that “we tend to be binary thinkers. We assume things have to be one way or the other”. This was his point about the term balance when used in this context. Often the word balance creates the picture of an instrument with two sides used for weighing.

Sometimes there are only two choices. When choosing between right and wrong or good and evil, I believe this is the case. I agree with Tim that too often we tend to stop our thinking at only two choices and miss all of the out of the box opportunities that are out there.

I see balance as something that involves a lot more than two things.

The Merriam-Webster definition of balance is extensive and covers a variety of different areas including people, weight, stability, accounting, mental and emotional. This is more the way I think of balance.

I see BALANCE as large platform sitting centered on top of a small point. Without anything on the platform, it sits level. When one thing is placed on top of the platform near the center, things go pretty well, and it stays relatively level. As more things are put on the platform and things begin to be crowded from the center it starts to get heavier at different areas. This causes the platform to lean. If one heavy thing or too many things are moved too far from the center the platform will tip far enough that things falls off. Keeping things setting on the platform is all about weight and location.

Our lives are like this platform. God has set our platform balance perfectly on this point and given us the responsibility of keeping it there. The difficult part of this obligation is the number of things we get to choose from to put on our platform. The choices are endless. There is spiritual, family, work, friends, fun, community, etc. and each of these areas are full of an endless number of specific things that we can put on our platform. Some things carry more weight than others. As we go through life the things we have setting on our platform will and should change.


FINDING AND MAINTAINING THE BALANCE of our platform is the responsibility given us. Will we be perfect at it…no. Can we learn and get better at it…YES!

Whether you use the word balance, tension or something else to describe this endeavor is less important than being aware of it and actively keeping your platform as level as you can.

Why Me…Why Not Me?

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What Can I Do to Improve My Self-confidence?

 

Why is it that so many people struggle with low self-esteem or the lack of self-confidence? I know that different people deal with it in varying degrees, but I think everyone deals with it. People who appear confident have just figured out how to deal with it better.

The huge amount of self-help books, speeches, programs, etc., speak to this struggle. I have been battling with this feeling regarding these blogs. Why is it that so few people are reading them? Then my inner evaluation begins. The content isn’t any good. The writing stinks. It doesn’t make any sense. The topics aren’t relevant. Am I wasting my time…and on and on.

 

Our book club just finished reading Cara Brookins’ book “Rise: How A House Built A Family”. The club collectively thought I might struggle reading this book (part of the reason it was picked 😊). You know, me being a professional builder reading about a woman and her four kids building a house using “how to” videos. I just want to say; this book is now in my top ten. Cara and her family really impressed and inspired me! Inspired me so much so that I gathered up the courage to email her (way out of my comfort zone).

And you know what.

She replied…to me…to little ole’ me and not only that, we had the opportunity to have a Skype conversation with her during our review of her book during book club. How cool is that! If she can build a house…I can write a blog.

Her current projects are based on her “firm belief that everyone who wants to can build themselves a bigger, better life. And the feeling…of being stuck and frustrated is exactly what most people are feeling. It’s a sign you’re on the right path, because feeling discontent creates action.”

Helping people build a bigger better life is exactly what I plan to do with my coaching, consulting and constructing here at Solution Building.

Her building of this house is proof that what is required to get past self-doubt is choice and action. We must decide to do something, something big, something as big as a house and then do it. It doesn’t matter how good the information in the self-help program is, it’s not going to do any good if it isn’t put into action.

God did not put us here to fail. Satan on the other hand is a master of using our weakness to keep us from doing the great things that God wants for us. Like our low self-esteem to keep us stuck. We must decide if we trust and believe. If we do, then it is up to us to start building.

Another one of my top ten books is Andy Andrews’ book, “The Traveler’s Gift”. It was turned down by fifty-one publishers before it was accepted.

Fifty-one.

Okay if Cara can push through the months and months of building her own home and Andy can go through fifty-one rejections I can keep blogging. Nobody said that persistence was easy, but it’s the thing that separates quitters from successful people.

I can persist – I can succeed – WHY NOT ME!

If you have any feedback on my blogs or if there is some specific topics you would like for me to write about let me know in the comments below.

Spend Time Wisely, There’s A Limited Amount

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It’s One Thing That You Can’t Make Any More Of

 

Why is it that we struggle so much with this TIME thing? It seems that everybody, at least everybody that I talk with, is constantly wanting more TIME. To use a line from actress Ethel Barrymore, “That’s all there is – there isn’t any more.

I have been writing periodically about my core values and this is another.

In varying amounts and at varying degrees, depending on our abilities, desires and needs, we can make more money, make more friends, find more work, design new things, discover new ideas. Not that those things are easy, but they can be done. No so with TIME. You’ve got what you’ve got.

In last week’s post I wrote about the window project taking longer than I wanted. I said it was a topic for later. Well it’s later. Spending TIME is such a frequent problem that it has made its way in to several of my posts.

 

Why is it that, so many struggle so much with this?

 

Here are 5 things that I see as reasons –

  1. Trying to do too many things – There are so many great, wonderful and important things out there to do and I want to do them all. The problem is, there just isn’t enough TIME to.
  2. Lack of focus – There are more distractions now than ever before. With internet, social media, smart phones, etc. we are inundated with interruptions. According to Dr. Wetmore the average person gets interrupted once every 8 minutes. Depending on the length of each one that could use up 3-4 hours a day. That many interruptions sure make it hard to focus.
  3. Not saying “no” – When we are asked to do something, even though we know we don’t have time, most of the time we say yes. I think there are a few of reasons for this. First, most of us really want to help. Second, saying yes makes us feel needed, valuable and important. Third, we don’t want to let others down. No matter how good the reason is, if we don’t have TIME to do it, we should say no.
  4. Trying to do it by myself – Just like TIME, delegation is another one of the common struggles that I see happening and participate in regularly. To be the best steward of my TIME I have got to do better at this.
  5. Procrastination – Often times when things ahead of us are big and scary we fill up our TIME with something small and cuddly. This doesn’t mean the little things aren’t important, but often they are time sponges, sucking up valuable TIME.

One thing to understand is that SPENDING TIME WISELY will be different for each of us. The key here is to think about it. Review how you spend your TIME and decide how and where you want to spend yours. God has given each of us this TIME. We need to see how He wants us to spend it. He has given us the right amount for everything, Ecclesiastes 3.

 

How do you spend your time wisely?

 

Never Be Satisfied With Mediocrity

Little Things Are What Big Things Are Made Of

Who Should I Blame For Being Too Busy

Never Be Satisfied with Mediocrity

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Doing What It Right Is More Important Than Fast and Cheap

 

Currently we are in the process of repainting our 102-year-old home. Several years ago, I install three new windows and had never finished the exterior trim (this is a topic for a future discussion).

As part of the painting project I was making and installing the trim on these windows. Due to the age and style of the house the trim was more detailed than what is commonly used today. Not to mention that there was siding to cut back, house wrap and foil tape to install. It was taking me longer than I planned (another topic for later) and as I was working I thought about faster, cheaper ways that it could be done. I didn’t think about it very long before I decided that the short cuts wouldn’t be worth it. I wanted it done right.

It occurred to me that more times than not, price and speed have replaced craftsmanship. The expectation of a mediocre outcome has become the target rather than excellence.

This isn’t to say that time and money aren’t extremely important factors, because they are. I think we should always be looking for the best uses of both. Just be aware that the cost to cutting corners often is more expensive than taking a little longer and doing it right the first time. Grandpa used to say, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”

Where things begin to get tricky is that different people have different ideas of what right is. Sometimes this is due to a lack of knowledge or experience. This is why it is important to have this conversation. So that we can change the expectation from mediocre to excellent.

A good example of this is a recent situation where a shelf caddy was installed in a shower out of plum. It was only out of plum about an 1/8” in 2’ which isn’t a lot. But it wasn’t right, it wasn’t level and it should have been. Now it’s got to be fixed, which could possibly mean cutting it out and replacing with a new one. At the very least it has to be taken back out and plumbed up. Either way it’s going to cost both time and money.

The frustrated contractor was telling me about his disappointment that his help had allowed this to happen. He said that he is always telling them that there are four simple rules for building well. Just make everything plumb, level, square and straight. Isn’t this great advice.

Not only is this great advice for construction, it’s great for building a solid and stable life.

I told you that I would periodically write in more detail about my core values and to never be satisfied with mediocrity is another one. Here are some links to some of the other ones.

Using Core Values as My Life Filter

Intentional Actions

Intentional Actions

Take Off the Blinders, Be  More Observant

Pay Attention to Detail

It’s Friday the 13th, You Better Be Careful

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Take Control and Don’t Leave Your Life to Chance

 

When I realized it was “Friday the 13th”, I began thinking about all the different superstitions, good and bad, that people have. This is especially evident with athletes, for example it has been reported that basketball superstar Michael Jordan wore the same pair of shorts under his NBA uniform for every game and Serena Williams ties her shoes the same way before every match and always bounces the ball five times before her first serve.

There certainly is some comfort and a feeling of control that can be achieved by doing these things. I do believe that there also is a physical benefit from the mental power of routine. The question is, how much connection do these superstitions have to the outcome and is that the best place to spend our mental and physical energy?

 

The definition of superstition is; 1. A belief or practice resulting from ignorance, fear of the unknown, trust in magic or chance, or a false conception. 2. A notion maintained despite evidence to the contrary.

 

As a society we seem to be convinced that we have very little control over our lives and are stuck in whatever situation we happen to find ourselves in. It’s just the luck of the draw, whether that’s good or bad. We find it easier to just accept our state of affairs rather than take responsibility for what we do about them.

There are examples everywhere of people who made decisions both big and small to do whatever it took to improve their circumstance, here are three. Surfer Bethany Hamilton lost her arm in a shark attack at age 13. She went on to compete and win surfing competitions. Stephen King had his novel, Carrie, rejected 30 times, it has now sold over four million copies in paperback. Wilma Rudolf was a sickly child who wore a leg brace and later went on to win Olympic gold medals in track and field. Chance doesn’t get to control our lives unless we let it.

 

To make my point let’s look at 13 common superstitions and consider how much they really affect our lives.

  1. Finding a horse shoe: Good Luck
  2. Friday the 13th: Bad Luck
  3. Find a penny, pick it up…: Good Luck
  4. Black cats crossing your path: Bad Luck
  5. A rabbit’s foot: Good Luck
  6. Walking under a ladder: Bad Luck
  7. Knocking on wood: Good Luck
  8. Breaking a mirror: Bad Luck
  9. Making a wish on a wishbone: Good Luck
  10. Opening an umbrella indoors: Bad Luck
  11. Throwing coins in a fountain: Good Luck
  12. The number 13: Bad Luck
  13. Finding a four-leaf clover: Good Luck

 

Okay, do you really think that any one of these superstitions will have any bearing whatsoever on what happens as a result of doing, seeing or having them. Me nether.

There is something that we can do that will have a real bearing on the results, though. We can decide to DO SOMETHING.

We have a choice to use or neglect this powerful tool. If we don’t like something about who or where we are…we can do something about it. This doesn’t mean that we can stop all bad things from happening. It does mean that we can choose how we will respond and react. WE HAVE A CHOICE!

Choose to act, decide to do something.

Little Things Are What Big Things Are Made Of

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The Importance of Paying Attention to Details

 

Big things start out as little things. I’m sure that you’ve heard it said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I would argue the opposite. I think the small stuff is exactly what we should sweat. Little things accumulated over time are what big things are made of. The things we read, listen to, watch, eat, say, think, do, use, etc. become bigger and bigger even if we aren’t paying any attention to them. Sometimes especially when we aren’t.

Details are critical to every outcome. We start in one direction only to realize later that we aren’t where we wanted to be. Whether you’re building a model car, a building, a business or your life. You need to constantly be paying attention to the details to be sure things are proceeding the way you want.

 

1/16” is a measurement small enough that many people don’t even know where it is on a tape measure. This seemingly insignificant dimension can have a profound impact. When laying out a 100’ long building foundation, being off by just 1/16” in the first foot will increase to more than a 6” mistake in the end.

 

How about a little thing like a nail? What if when building a house, the builder decided that nails were too small to be concerned with. A detail that would take too much time to worry about. How well do you think that house would be built? A 1200 -1500 square foot house typically uses around 12,000 nails. That’s a lot of little things to leave out.

 

 

Often if someone sees a penny on the ground they will leave it there. It isn’t worth bending over and picking it up. It is just a penny, one cent. Most of us at some time have saved loose change in a piggy bank or a jar. It always amazed me how much could be accumulated in a relatively small period of time. The first banker that I met as a teenager told me, “If you take care of the pennies, the dollars will take care of themselves.” Another small thing that can make a big difference.

 

Time is another big thing made up of little things. There are 86,400 seconds in a 24-hour day. 86,400 is a big number, but that’s only 3,600 minutes per day. 60 seconds per minute multiplied by sixty minutes per hour multiplied by 24 hours per day. And that quickly 86,400 seconds have been spent. We all know how fast time goes, so we need to be intentional how we spend each and every one of the seconds which we have been given.

 

 

My Grandpa told me that “if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing right”. Paying attention to the details is a part of doing things right

 

Paying attention to details is one of my core values. Find more about my other core values here:

https://www.solutionbuilding.net/using-core-values-as-my-life-filter/

https://www.solutionbuilding.net/getting-back-to-the-core/

https://www.solutionbuilding.net/the-importance-of-intentionality-for-building-your-dream-life/

https://www.solutionbuilding.net/taking-off-the-blinders-helps-you-see-the-big-picture/

 

A book full of examples of little things that I would recommend reading, is “The Little Things, Why You Really SHOULD Sweat the Small Stuff”, by Andy Andrews.

 

Taking Off the Blinders Helps You See the Big Picture

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Without A Vision…You Run into Things

One of my core values is, “take off the blinders, be more observant”. I told you in a previously post that I would go into each of them in more detail later, so here’s the third one.

Core values are foundational for the life that God designed for each of us. They are critical for building our best life.

We all have core values, whether intentional or not. You may not have given much thought to yours, but they are there regardless. It is important to think about the ones you’re building your life with and choose the right ones.

I decided to write about this core value while reading “The Seventh Most Important Thing”, by Shelley Pearsall. In the story Mr. Hampton leaves a hand-written message for Arthur on a piece of cardboard, “where there is no vision, the people parish”. Arthur is a teenage boy struggling through adolescence and the death of his father. He has no idea what this saying means. At this point Arthur can’t see past all the bad things happening in his life. He has blinders on.

I think there are a lot of people like Arthur. They just show up to life each day without any vision or plan for what their life could should be. Trudging through life focused on a narrow image. Neglecting or are unable to see the bigger picture. It is like they have blinders on that allow them to only see the slim view of what is directly in front of them.

I chose this as one of my core values because I certainly can be too focused on my work and neglect other areas of my life. My core values serve two different purposes. One is to confirm my natural strengths. The other is to remind me of my weaknesses. I need to keep both of these in sight to help me “find and maintain the balance” (another core value for a later post).

I want to work toward building the dream life that the Master Architect designed specifically for me and “honor God in all that I do”. If I am going to do this I need to take “intentional action” in the construction of that life. I also need to be open to new and different ideas and input from other people and places. I need to “take off my blinders and be more observant”.

It has been my experience when building a building that people have a dream of what they envision the finished project to look like. The problem is, they don’t know how to get that dream from their head to a physical structure. This is where vision comes in. The vision is the process of taking the imagined and turning it into reality. This provides a clear and intentional plan for building the dream.

It is helpful to have experienced professionals (architects, engineers, contractors, etc.) guide the construction process. The same is true in building a business or life.

If you have questions about turning your dreams into reality contact us below.

 

The Importance of Intentionality for Building Your Dream Life

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Because It Isn’t Going to Magically Build Itself

For years people have asked me where I came up with the business system and procedures that I use. As I thought about it, I realized that my business and life had been developing for years without much intentionality.

After my accident in 2012 it caused me to think about what my life was and what I had expected it to be. Not that my life was terrible before, it just wasn’t what I had envisioned it to be. I had been living without a clear plan and there was so much more that I wanted to accomplish.

At that point I decided to become more intentional. I’ve always been a planner but it’s sad that it took a hit in the head for me to realize the importance of being intentional about the plan.

When we’re young the tendency is to think that we’ll have all the time we need. There’s no hurry to plan for the future…we’ll get around to that someday. Then one day we wake up and realize life is flying by and we haven’t done all those things we wanted to.

 

You don’t have to wait until you’re smacked in the head to become intentional.

 

While explaining my business operating system to my team, it became evident that even though I now have an intentional plan, it needed to be written down. When working alone, I would just do the next thing that needed done. I didn’t need a written plan, so I thought. Not only do I need a written plan to communicate to my team, but it helps me to be clearer.

Think of your life or business as a construction project. It all begins with a dream. You can see the vision of the completed project in your mind. The tricky part is getting that dream out of your head and making it a reality? Having it drawn out will let you see if it looks like your dream or not. It’s better and easier to make changes and corrections during the planning, rather than the construction. It improves the clarity of communication between all parties involved.

It’s also a good idea to have the help of a professional when drawing out your plans or building your dream. Their experience, knowledge and skill, can save you time and money. Done well, it will make the entire process more enjoyable.

In last week’s post, it once again was reinforced how important intentional planning for the future is and how rarely it is done.

Having a clear picture of what it is that you want your life or business to look like when you’re finished building it, takes intentionality.

Be intentional.


Don’t wait to be smacked in the head to get intentional about planning for the future. Let me know what areas you need some help with planning or building the life or business of your dreams